I'm sorry. To any of you who will still be reading this blog, I am sorry for my previous post. As indicated, I've had a lot of difficulties of late, and that was me lashing out in the only way I knew that wouldn't hurt someone. I will still be blogging. The problem was that I didn't realize that my logic was incomplete: its only selfish if I do it only so that she'll like me. I like the person I am now, and whether or not she has feelings for me doesn't change that. Besides, if she doesn't like me now, she certainly won't like me if I hit a slump. All I can do is be the man that I aspire to be, and hope that she loves me for it. If not, I know many others who do, and that's more than enough for me.
Sorry I was so selfish,
L.F. Braley
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Conclusion
The intention of this blog was for me to have a catalyst from which I could make a transformation from. For the last year or so, I've been making it my upmost endeavor to better myself in every way. Why? Because I was in love. Well, let me rephrase that; I loved someone. I still do, but saying that I was in love implies that she felt the same way. Everything I am now, I am because I wanted to offer her more than I had to give.
With the help of a friend, I came to the definite conclusion that this woman has no interest in me whatsoever. It was common sense, really, but I was too blinded by my feelings for her to even realize it. These changes I've brought on upon myself have only made me appealing to her as a sister would feel for her loving brother, (something which I hadn't anticipated.) I want so badly to not be affected by this, to just be the guy that she needs, but right now I'm at the point where my head is in physical agony from the pain, and frankly, It's just too much.
This will be my last post on Amends. I'm going to leave this post up until the last day in January, and then I'm going to strip this blog from existence. The reason for this is that I realized a fundemental flaw in my logic: I made the assumption that my motives for changing were right and good. The only problem with that is that I had figured that if I were to improve myself, she would fall for me, like good karma for my actions. That in itself was selfish, that I made this transformation for her means nothing if it was also for me. No one actually reads this blog anyway, so this post in itself means very little. Those who do read this know me in real life. If you want to say something, talk to me, (that is, if you even read this.)
If ever I were to find out that I am wrong, and that she does have feelings for me, I'll be back. Somehow, I doubt that will ever be an issue.
L.F. Braley
With the help of a friend, I came to the definite conclusion that this woman has no interest in me whatsoever. It was common sense, really, but I was too blinded by my feelings for her to even realize it. These changes I've brought on upon myself have only made me appealing to her as a sister would feel for her loving brother, (something which I hadn't anticipated.) I want so badly to not be affected by this, to just be the guy that she needs, but right now I'm at the point where my head is in physical agony from the pain, and frankly, It's just too much.
This will be my last post on Amends. I'm going to leave this post up until the last day in January, and then I'm going to strip this blog from existence. The reason for this is that I realized a fundemental flaw in my logic: I made the assumption that my motives for changing were right and good. The only problem with that is that I had figured that if I were to improve myself, she would fall for me, like good karma for my actions. That in itself was selfish, that I made this transformation for her means nothing if it was also for me. No one actually reads this blog anyway, so this post in itself means very little. Those who do read this know me in real life. If you want to say something, talk to me, (that is, if you even read this.)
If ever I were to find out that I am wrong, and that she does have feelings for me, I'll be back. Somehow, I doubt that will ever be an issue.
L.F. Braley
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Creative Boredom
Ok, so for the last few days, I've been decisively bored. Why? Partly as a coping mechanism, and partly because I've got no one to talk to or do anything with. Anyway, I've just been doing things to keep from going insane. So, if your as bored as I am, you can read some of the weird things I do to keep myself occupied. Who knows, if your really that bored, you might even try them yourself.
First, there's the normal stuff, like reading, writing, and gaming. If your looking for a good series to read, may i suggest the Harry Dresden series, or better yet, anything written by Terry Pratchett? If your into those "Twilight" books, then you might also enjoy the Sookie Stackhouse series by Charline Harris. Writing poetry is always good, and writing a novella or short story is always fun. As for gaming, can anyone say, "Super Smash Brothers Brawl?"
Then, there's the seasonal stuff. Wrapping presents, setting up the "non-denominational, politically correct pine tree." I spent a FORTUNE this xmas on presents for my friends and family this year, and that always is a good way to distract you from ANYTHING.
Finally, there's the weird stuff. These are things that I do that even make me think I'm insane. One of the things I like to do is try and peel a tangerine all in one band. A cool variation of this is if you peel the center, then flip the top and bottom caps so that it takes roughly the shape of an apple core. Another fun thing to do, (if your insane, like me,) is to come up with parodic lyrics for your favorite songs, (or holiday songs. Tis the season.) If your lazy, you can settle for making titles for songs that make them more interesting, (all I want for christmas is my two front teeth... a nuclear warhead, and a deathstar.)
Thanks,
L.F. Braley
First, there's the normal stuff, like reading, writing, and gaming. If your looking for a good series to read, may i suggest the Harry Dresden series, or better yet, anything written by Terry Pratchett? If your into those "Twilight" books, then you might also enjoy the Sookie Stackhouse series by Charline Harris. Writing poetry is always good, and writing a novella or short story is always fun. As for gaming, can anyone say, "Super Smash Brothers Brawl?"
Then, there's the seasonal stuff. Wrapping presents, setting up the "non-denominational, politically correct pine tree." I spent a FORTUNE this xmas on presents for my friends and family this year, and that always is a good way to distract you from ANYTHING.
Finally, there's the weird stuff. These are things that I do that even make me think I'm insane. One of the things I like to do is try and peel a tangerine all in one band. A cool variation of this is if you peel the center, then flip the top and bottom caps so that it takes roughly the shape of an apple core. Another fun thing to do, (if your insane, like me,) is to come up with parodic lyrics for your favorite songs, (or holiday songs. Tis the season.) If your lazy, you can settle for making titles for songs that make them more interesting, (all I want for christmas is my two front teeth... a nuclear warhead, and a deathstar.)
Thanks,
L.F. Braley
Friday, December 19, 2008
Tis the season
Christmas is never an easy time of year, (at least, not for me.) Its not like I don't have a supportive group of family or friends, its just that all of the worst stuff that happens to me occurs around this time of year, (oddly enough.) A brief glimpse into whats going on in my life: death of a friend, 2 friends who like me that I want to stay friends with, and another girl who, although I like, I'm almost definitely never going to get to date. That mixed in with a job I hate, and a declining pair of grandparents whom I love so very much. But, this isn't about me.
I happen to know two people, (who shall remain anonymous,) that are hit with a VERY deep depression right now. One of my friends got kicked out of his home by his parents, and his "friends" who have taken him in or "been there" for him in his time of need have been taking advantage of him. Another friend has had her parents divorce recently, and is basically the one taking care of her three siblings. If you are one of these people, who is sad or depressed, I'm here for you. Just email or call me anytime, and I'll drop whatever I am doing. I promise.
Also, I'm sorry I haven't posted in so long. I've been told that when I post every weekday, its hard to keep up, so I'm aiming at anywhere between 10-15 posts a month now. If you would like to comment on this change, please do. Comments are the only way I know what you think.
Thanks,
L.F. Braley
I happen to know two people, (who shall remain anonymous,) that are hit with a VERY deep depression right now. One of my friends got kicked out of his home by his parents, and his "friends" who have taken him in or "been there" for him in his time of need have been taking advantage of him. Another friend has had her parents divorce recently, and is basically the one taking care of her three siblings. If you are one of these people, who is sad or depressed, I'm here for you. Just email or call me anytime, and I'll drop whatever I am doing. I promise.
Also, I'm sorry I haven't posted in so long. I've been told that when I post every weekday, its hard to keep up, so I'm aiming at anywhere between 10-15 posts a month now. If you would like to comment on this change, please do. Comments are the only way I know what you think.
Thanks,
L.F. Braley
Thursday, December 11, 2008
On Human Intimacy
loneliness is a terrible thing. Not only is it terrible, but it is one of the most common and painful maladies people face today. There are many factors that have been identified, (rise of obesity and depression, different expectations and the technological age.) As such, human intimacy has had a downturn in the last century. Younger and younger people are engaging in "mature" actions, and in today's culture, intimacy has been confused with things exclusively sexual in nature.
I don't really know what to say about this... only that it saddens me greatly that human intimacy has devolved into such a state. Just being there for someone isn't really something that is done anymore, at least, not in all circles. Communities suffer for want of their common man's compassion, and the result is depression.
To date, this is my shortest post. Mostly because talking about this feels awkward to me, a testament to just how true and dire the situation is. I think that the only thing we can do is to learn to show a little compassion and empathy for our fellow man, and that we not be afraid of sharing with one another.
Thanks,
L.F. Braley
I don't really know what to say about this... only that it saddens me greatly that human intimacy has devolved into such a state. Just being there for someone isn't really something that is done anymore, at least, not in all circles. Communities suffer for want of their common man's compassion, and the result is depression.
To date, this is my shortest post. Mostly because talking about this feels awkward to me, a testament to just how true and dire the situation is. I think that the only thing we can do is to learn to show a little compassion and empathy for our fellow man, and that we not be afraid of sharing with one another.
Thanks,
L.F. Braley
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
apathy, political policy, and a good dose of Thomas Jefferson
Politics are of the most fickle nature. I've never been one for politics, but I do try my best to follow the major political changes our country undergoes. I do, however, enjoy history and the lessons that it teaches us. Still, my impression of this whole business is that a) true history is an oxymoron and b) from what we can discern from our forefathers, we, as a nation's people, have grown sadly apathetic to the processes of our government.
Thomas Jefferson said that every generation needs a new revolution. He was, of course, not saying that we should take up arms against our government every 20 or so years. Rather, he was saying that we as a people should never ever become complacent with the actions of our governing body. Basically, if you don't like something that is happening in congress, the senate or anywhere in public life, speak up!
The problem with our form of government, (if one were to ask my opinion,) is that although our voice is supposedly heard through our "representatives," it seems that they don't always choose to stand with the majority or even what they deem as right. Lobbying is abundant nowadays, and even one vote swayed by it essentially silences the voices of millions of people. On the other hand, a pure, Athenian democracy would be worse; mob rule favors only the majority.
So, what are we to do? We are long overdo for a revolution. What's ended up happening is that over the last hundred years, America has suffered from improper representation in D.C. Power seeks out as much of itself as it can find, and that is true of every system.
I am not writing this in an attempt to persuade your opinion of the way our government should be run. I am merely recognizing a correlation between the current unhappy state of our government, (war in Iraq, The Department of Homeland Security, the patriot act, etc.) guided by a lack of good representation and the tendency for our government to become more and more centralized. The power of the states have never been weaker than they are now. Why are states rights important? Because each state representative is responsible for representing a smaller body of people, (which means that representing their views and needs more precisely is possible.) That, and the fact that lobbying is harder to achieve when a) the decision of one state representative has little to no affect on the whole United States and, b) there are too many state representatives in the whole country to make a worthwhile affect on the outcome of decisions.
Thanks for tolerating my ramblings,
L.F. Braley
Thomas Jefferson said that every generation needs a new revolution. He was, of course, not saying that we should take up arms against our government every 20 or so years. Rather, he was saying that we as a people should never ever become complacent with the actions of our governing body. Basically, if you don't like something that is happening in congress, the senate or anywhere in public life, speak up!
The problem with our form of government, (if one were to ask my opinion,) is that although our voice is supposedly heard through our "representatives," it seems that they don't always choose to stand with the majority or even what they deem as right. Lobbying is abundant nowadays, and even one vote swayed by it essentially silences the voices of millions of people. On the other hand, a pure, Athenian democracy would be worse; mob rule favors only the majority.
So, what are we to do? We are long overdo for a revolution. What's ended up happening is that over the last hundred years, America has suffered from improper representation in D.C. Power seeks out as much of itself as it can find, and that is true of every system.
I am not writing this in an attempt to persuade your opinion of the way our government should be run. I am merely recognizing a correlation between the current unhappy state of our government, (war in Iraq, The Department of Homeland Security, the patriot act, etc.) guided by a lack of good representation and the tendency for our government to become more and more centralized. The power of the states have never been weaker than they are now. Why are states rights important? Because each state representative is responsible for representing a smaller body of people, (which means that representing their views and needs more precisely is possible.) That, and the fact that lobbying is harder to achieve when a) the decision of one state representative has little to no affect on the whole United States and, b) there are too many state representatives in the whole country to make a worthwhile affect on the outcome of decisions.
Thanks for tolerating my ramblings,
L.F. Braley
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Advice from me, to me
"Death has been consuming the thoughts of the living since the dawn of man." This phrase comes from a dream I had. In this dream, I walked into a random house that I was walking by on the sidewalk. I didn't know why at first, but it seemed familiar somehow. As I explored the home, the only thing that was going through my mind was, "My god. I know this place..." I meandered my way over to the bedroom, and saw an old crippled man on his death bed. He was me, unmistakably.
I sat down and began to talk to him. I asked him how his life was, if he was happy with how things turned out, etc. After talking to him for a while, I grew scared. If I was him, and he was me, then I was watching myself die. Only after I awoke did I realize how ironic that was, considering the conversation to come. He (I?) must have realized my (his?) fear, and replied, "Lucas, do not fret. The one bane of man is his recurring contemplation of the negative. You mustn't do so. Death has been consuming the thoughts of the living since the dawn of man. If you truly want a happy life, then the thing you must do is just to go right out and live it."
This has been in my mind all day. I don't know why, but for some reason, the contents of this dream have been indelibly carved into my brain. I will not forget this dream or its message ever. I'd write more, but I'm about to go and heed my own advice.
Thanks,
L.F. Braley
I sat down and began to talk to him. I asked him how his life was, if he was happy with how things turned out, etc. After talking to him for a while, I grew scared. If I was him, and he was me, then I was watching myself die. Only after I awoke did I realize how ironic that was, considering the conversation to come. He (I?) must have realized my (his?) fear, and replied, "Lucas, do not fret. The one bane of man is his recurring contemplation of the negative. You mustn't do so. Death has been consuming the thoughts of the living since the dawn of man. If you truly want a happy life, then the thing you must do is just to go right out and live it."
This has been in my mind all day. I don't know why, but for some reason, the contents of this dream have been indelibly carved into my brain. I will not forget this dream or its message ever. I'd write more, but I'm about to go and heed my own advice.
Thanks,
L.F. Braley
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