Conclusion

The intention of this blog was for me to have a catalyst from which I could make a transformation from. For the last year or so, I've been making it my upmost endeavor to better myself in every way. Why? Because I was in love. Well, let me rephrase that; I loved someone. I still do, but saying that I was in love implies that she felt the same way. Everything I am now, I am because I wanted to offer her more than I had to give.

With the help of a friend, I came to the definite conclusion that this woman has no interest in me whatsoever. It was common sense, really, but I was too blinded by my feelings for her to even realize it. These changes I've brought on upon myself have only made me appealing to her as a sister would feel for her loving brother, (something which I hadn't anticipated.) I want so badly to not be affected by this, to just be the guy that she needs, but right now I'm at the point where my head is in physical agony from the pain, and frankly, It's just too much.

This will be my last post on Amends. I'm going to leave this post up until the last day in January, and then I'm going to strip this blog from existence. The reason for this is that I realized a fundemental flaw in my logic: I made the assumption that my motives for changing were right and good. The only problem with that is that I had figured that if I were to improve myself, she would fall for me, like good karma for my actions. That in itself was selfish, that I made this transformation for her means nothing if it was also for me. No one actually reads this blog anyway, so this post in itself means very little. Those who do read this know me in real life. If you want to say something, talk to me, (that is, if you even read this.)

If ever I were to find out that I am wrong, and that she does have feelings for me, I'll be back. Somehow, I doubt that will ever be an issue.

L.F. Braley